A young Christian woman trying to figure out the world!

His way not mine

As a Christian I want to live my life the way Christ wants.  I want to follow the path He has for my life, however I find that it’s not enough to just want it.  I go to church, read my Bible, and pray (although I don’t do this as often as I should) and still I don’t feel like I’m doing what I’m meant to be.  My Pastor loves to say that until you’re sure of what God wants you to do just stay where you are and keep doing what you’re doing.  I think that is solid advice to stay put and not make any big changes till you feel moved by God, but what about on a day to day basis.  I know that the job I’m in now is not what I’m supposed to do with life.  So while I’m waiting and praying for God to show me what I’m supposed to be doing career wise I feel I need to be doing things on a regular, if not daily basis for His glory.  I want to show the world His love.  I want to show the world what He can make out of a person who was a complete disaster in most ways when they surrender themselves to Him.  While reading the book Unplanned I felt a burden on my heart from God to help somehow in a pro-life organization, which I have been involved off and on for years.  That was about 2 months and you ask what have I done to get involved?  Absolutely nothing yet I’m ashamed to say.  I have about a million excuses for why I haven’t started volunteering or even called any places yet and not a single one of them is good.  Yes, my time is limited but it’s not completely occupied.  His way not mine means that I may have to give up some time that’s devoted to something for me and give it to help those who need it.  His way not mine means that I stop making excuses as to why I’m not giving Him more of my time.  Why would God give me the things I want in life if I’m not willing to give Him anything?  While enough of the excuses and the putting off of things.  I want to truly live His way and not mine!  Tomorrow I will make time to call and talk to someone about volunteering when I’m available.  Because even though I don’t feel moved to leave the place I am right now I do feel moved to make a difference where I am today, so when I do leave this place and job I have no regrets.  I want to look back and be able to say that thanks to the Grace of God I lived as perfectly as an imperfect person can!



The topic of lust and sexual immorality has been on my mind lately, mainly because it is everywhere in society. Sexual sin is one of the worsts because God says it’s a sin against your own body.  But how in such a saturated world can possibly avoid it all?  In James 1:15  Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.  Then the ever so popular Matthew 5:28″ But I say unto you, Thatwhosoever looketh on a woman to lust after herhath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”  God covers sexual immorality a lot throughout the Old Testament and the New Testament.  Specifically in Matthew 5 it points out that it is not just the physical act that is a sin but the fantasy your mind can create.  I don’t think that when a thought pops into your head it’s a sin it’s when you allow it to dwell there that it becomes one.  You don’t here a lot of discussions about women and lust.  Everyone talks about men and how they have to avoid looking at certain, but it’s a problem with women too.    I have a problem with this I’m not proud to admit that it has been one of my biggest struggles.  I’ve  had sex before because I was trying to find love and companionship before I really knew God.  Now I’ve decided to not have sex or kiss again till my wedding night because I think that’s what God wants from me.  I have sinned this way and I think the best way to avoid doing this again is to refrain from any physical contact with men.  But it is still a problem when I see it on tv or pictures on the internet.  I have really cut down on what I watch on tv, unfortunately if you’re looking for wholesome tv you’re limited to a few shows.  On the internet I try to stick to a few different websites where I know I won’t have to worry about anything.  Unfortunately I find that because I have viewed these things and committed that act that I don’t necessarily need prompting for it to pop into my head.  I know I’ve been forgiven for my past sins and am trying really hard to avoid viewing anything questionable, but how do I stop those pictures from popping into my head.  I pray that God gives me the strength to work past this because I know that I cannot do this on my own.  I really think that the impact of provocative images is down played in society.  Everyone acts like it’s no big deal and that we have all just adapted so it doesn’t even stick out anymore, which is true, but then why are there so many people addicted to porn, or cheating on their spouses.  The fact that even kids shows are so provocative now should show people how far our society has gone, and that even if you’re not Christian it can have a negative impact on you.

In the world not of it

I think one of the hardest things to do as Christians is to be in the world not of it.  Our culture is so ingrained in us that most of us don’t flinch when we see mostly naked people, or hear someone cursing.  It has definitely been a struggle for me.  I was raised with television and movies, and my teenage years involved surfing the web.  Now little kids are on the internet too.  We’re so exposed to different cultures, different political views, and different religions and education about those things is good but I feel like I’m also deafening myself to God’s will for my life.  I feel like my head is so full of things of this world that I can’t hear God.  I don’t mean that to sound like education is bad.  I think education is great I think too many people lack education on things outside of their specific communities.  I’m talking about the things in life that don’t have any educational value that takes up so much of my time.  We recently got rid of cable in my house so I don’t watch too much television anymore, but now I find that I can waste mindless hours on the internet playing stupid games or on facebook.  I feel like God could very well be trying to do something in my life but because I have to get on facebook and see what others are up to I don’t leave Him the opportunity do something.  I’m on the internet right now but this doesn’t count as mindless as I’m in deep thought writing 🙂  In my life lust has been a problem.  You don’t hear too many women coming out and saying that but it has.  The fact that I’m not bothered by shows where unmarried couples  are living together, or where the people walk around half naked is a clear sign that it is a problem.  In the last few months I have really started to question what I watch on tv, look at on the internet, and listen to for music and I am finding that I have exposed myself to a lot of things that I shouldn’t have.  It makes me question if I wouldn’t have spent so many years filing my mind with mindless junk what I could have filled my mind with?

1 year anniversary

Saturday was the one year anniversary of my mother’s death.  She died way too young (53 years old) of a brain tumor.  Leaving behind 2 sisters, 1 nephew, a broken hearted husband of 30 years, and 7 kids (although the youngest was 17 at the time so not so little kids).  In the year since her death are family has been stressed to the breaking with issues ranging from careers to mental and physical health of some of my siblings.  However I want to start a tradition on this anniversary to not focus on the loss of her, but on her life and her impact on my life, and the other blessings God has given me.  Here is a list of those blessings: My family I have a big family and although at times it’s hard to get along with people they have all been a blessing to me to help and teach me in this life.  My church most my life I went to a church that left me spiritually dead and 5 months before my mom passed I was introduced and started attending a church drew me close to the Holy Spirit and it has only been with God that I’ve been able to get through this year.  My friends, you truly learn who your friends are when they’re faced with a difficult situation, like a friend who’s mother has died.  They mean more to me then they will ever know! Those are the big things on my list but I am also thankful and blessed by where I live, the fact that we have never been without any of the necessities in life and have always had extra.  The thing I am most thankful for though is that God sent His son to die for my sins and that someday I will see my mom again.  I really don’t know how nonbelievers get through death because one of the most comforting things to me is that I will see her again one day in heaven.  It’s comforting in a way. I still miss her but I know that I only said see you later and not goodbye to her.  God is truly good!

The beginning!

This is the first post for my blog.  I’m not sure if anyone will actually read my blog but that is okay because it’s mainly for me.  It’s my diary that I would like feedback and advice on.  So here is some information about me for those who would like to know something about me.  I come from a family of 7 children raised in a Lutheran church going house.  My parents were married for a little over 30 years before my mother passed away almost a year ago from cancer.  I just really started my relationship with God a little over a year ago.  After my mother died I did stop going for a few months, but now I am trying to get back on the right track and live for God!  I now attend a pretty conservative Baptist church and I love it.  The people are great but the most important thing is that I feel in-tune with God when I attend church regularly.  This blog is basically a place where I can air my thoughts on my life.  I’ve found it very difficult to stop doing things that I know I shouldn’t.  We’re supposed to be in the world and making a difference for God but I still need a lot of work before I’m not of the world.  Now you know a little about me and I need to go and finish getting ready for church tonight!

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